Who: IC!Ed, OOC!Roy, OOC!Psiren, IC!Gluttony, E!Al, IC!Alfons, OOC!Scar, IC!Envy, A!Wrath, IC!Sheska, IC!Hawkeye, C!Envy, npc:IC!Al, npc:IC!Ran Fan, npc:OOC!Izumi, npc:Darren, npc:Balthamos, npc:Raziel, npc:Jesus, npc:Death, npc:Famine, npc:Pestilence, npc:War's Horse, npc:Big Bold Letters, npc:Sam L, npc:Iron Man, npc:velociraptors, npc:locusts, npc:Gate, npc:Gatebaby!Car, npc:zombies, npc:snakes, npc:Pyramid HeadWhen: 9/20/08Rating: RCategory: Side PlotsSummary: Apocalypse, Part IV. The epic conclusion. The forces of Good and Evil clash in an Ultimate Showdown. Sam L and Tony Stark save God's ass. More people die. Some velociraptors use being at crotch-level to their advantage, and the resident Catholics are HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY. The Rift NOMinates everything.OOC!Psiren: *kisses Mal on the forehead, stroking his hair* ...I will see you again. *looks up at Roy* What is it, what's wrong?OOC!Roy: Um. I think who-whoever shot Mal is coming ...C!Envy: *enjoying toying with them*OOC!Psiren: ...Is there anywhere we can go?Jesus: *walking towards the fray, does not hurry*Darren: *staring at the pool of blood in surprise for a few seconds before he chokes and coughs up another mouthful, feeling something wet oozing down his back under his shirt and the bandages*Darren: *thinks maybe now is a good time to lie down*OOC!Roy: ... Probably not.Balthamos: *goes about trying to smite War some more, being a fierce warrior and all*C!Envy: *suddenly finds his rocket launcher is not in one piece and a flaming sword is flailing around his head* HEY!C!Envy: I WAS USING THAT, YOU BASTARD!OOC!Roy: *notices that Darren is no longer upright and is covered in his own blood; tries not to throw up at the sight of so much blood* Darren! *rushes over, trying to make him as comfortable as possible*OOC!Psiren: *hears the wretching* Oh no, Darren! *and now it is time to run back to him, kneeling next to him, hands shaking*OOC!Roy: *looks over at Clara* I - I don't think h-he's going to l-last much longer ...IC!Sheska: *vaguely seeing everything, the world blurring before her*Darren: *unconscious, blood oozing out of his mouth*OOC!Roy: *glances over at the door, wondering what's keeping the crazy gunman from bursting in and slaughtering them all*Balthamos: *THAT WOULD BE ME; aims a slice for War*Famine: *comes wandering closer, attracted by all the noise*Raziel: *about to join in, spots Famine*C!Envy: *conjures his Giant Effing Sword and blocks Balthamos' blow, snarling* Mind your own business, angel.Balthamos: You are my business. Boss's orders. *parries, goes in for a thrust*OOC!Psiren: *crying silently, knows there's nothing she can do... lifts his head into her lap and strokes his cheek*OOC!Roy: *get up, giving Clara a little privacy, and goes over to Sheska* Hey. *puts a hand on her shoulder*C!Envy: Fantastic. *matches him blow for blow, leaping back and laughing raucously, spinning and whipping around in jubilant bloodlust*Jesus: *ignores battling, heads for the record shop to bestow the gift of his presence on some mortals*IC!Sheska:*notices a vague sensation*Famine: *makes eye contact with Raz*Darren: *not dead yet, damnit*OOC!Roy: *shakes her gently* Sheska? Hey, Sheska! Are you OK?IC!Sheska:*returning slowly* hmm?Balthamos: *managing himself just fine, glad he only has to worry about one and not a whole zombie army* Foul Being!OOC!Psiren: *bends down and kisses his forehead* ...Darren? Can you hear me?C!Envy: Damn right! *laughs again, aiming a stab at the angel's midsection*OOC!Roy: *knows it's a dumb question, but can't think of anything better* Are you all right?IC!Sheska: *smile* I'm fine I just- *sees Darren, then Mal, eyes go wide, pulls her knees to her chest and cries*Darren: *makes an incoherent noise around some more blood*Balthamos: *is stabbed but doesn't seem to concerned with it; he is an angel after all*OOC!Roy: *awkwardly pats her on the shoulder, not really knowing what else to do; figures that crying is probably better than being totally shut off?*C!Envy: What does it matter to you what I do with these humans? *dancing and parrying between blows* They're all dying anyway and you know it.Balthamos: *surprised, pleasantly* And you think you'll just get to stay here?C!Envy: No, I figure I'll die, too. Why do you think I'm so fucking happy?IC!Sheska:*cries as though experiencing it all over again*Balthamos: *unconcerned face* If it suits you. I never could understand Evil.C!Envy: You try dealing with humans nearly eight-hundred years and see where it gets you.OOC!Roy: *recognises that this amount of crying is Not Good; sits down beside her and puts his arm around her* Hey, Sheska - come on, it - don't c-cry. P-please. Come - come on now ...IC!Alfons: ::feeling really awkward around all these crying people who he feels sort of disconnected from after so long; ventures a peek outside through the shutters:: ... Angels...?BIG BOLD LETTERS: GIANT RIFT OPENS IN THE GROUND, LEADING DOWN TO HELL; HORRIBLE SCREAMING IS AUDIBLE, MM THE SMELL OF BURNING FLESH IN THE MORNING.Balthamos: Oh, excuses. That's new. *tries to fillet him some more*OOC!Roy: *hears the rift opening, and then the screams; freezes* ... What is that?OOC!Psiren: *looks at Alfons, stroking Darren's hair* Are they back?Evil!Al: ::braces against the shaking, but falls, and catches himself on a ledge, barely managing to climb back up onto safe ground:: What the hell?C!Envy: Excuses my ass! *tosses some explosives at him*IC!Alfons: Back? Were they here before? ::just sort of staring::Balthamos: *becoming very impatient now, snatches them out of the air and dissolves them into HOLY LIGHT*C!Envy: Oh aren't you fancy. *eyeroll*Famine: *could fight with Raz but is nearly as lazy as he is; glances over at the Pit* Ought we to just skip that part?Raziel: *was working up to attacking, blinks* ...If you'd just like to hop in there voluntarily, be my guest.IC!Sheska: *between sobs* It doesn't matter. Everything is ending anyway. Everyone is dead or going to die soon. There's no use hoping anymore. If only we had known....OOC!Psiren: I saw them a few days ago, yes.Famine: *shrugs and turns her horse around, kicking its bony heels and feeling the hot air whooshing around her as she descends back to Hell*Balthamos: *trying to manuver Ren closer to the Rift*Raziel: ...That was easy.C!Envy: *notices this and snerks* Oh, what? I can't just die like everybody else?Balthamos: Nope. You're special. *aims a slice at his stomach*C!Envy: ...But I really just wanted to die.OOC!Roy: Who do you mean by 'them', Clara ...?Balthamos: *takes his sword in a two-handed grip* In that case, hold still.C!Envy: Wait wait wait, seriously? Because if you really mean it, that's fine. But none of that holy doublespeak shit, okay? Real bonafide death.OOC!Psiren: The angels, Roy.Balthamos: *curt nod* Real death. For good.Jesus: *peeks in the shutters* Hello, Alfons Heiderich.Balthamos: *is pretty sure he has the authority for this but if he gets in trouble later, well*Darren: *finding it too loud to sleep, makes an irritated sound and opens his eyes slightly, groaning*C!Envy: ...Promise?IC!Alfons: ::stares, then falls to his knees upon realizing who that is... and finds bowing rather awkward with a wall now between them::OOC!Psiren: *looks down* Darren?Death: *is so very very fucking late; rides in on his horse, following the screaming sounds*OOC!Roy: *looks at the guy peering in at them, surprised to find that he's not attempting to murder them all*Balthamos: Yes. *actually patient for once*Pestilence: *rides in with him, also late to the party*Darren: *breathing fast, blood bubbling pinkly on his lips and looking glazed*C!Envy: ...Alright. Do it, then.Balthamos: *lops Ren's head off*Jesus: *smiles, goes to the door and lets himself in*C!Envy: *dead*IC!Alfons: ::is not worthy::IC!Sheska: *not realizing who it is, nope*Balthamos: *kicks the body into the convenient Hell Pit*Raziel: *watches Riders approach* Here comes trouble.OOC!Roy: *smiles back uncertainly, no idea why Alfons is on the floor but, pretty certain that this guy letting himself in will not result in mass death*Darren: moves uncomfortably, unable to breathe through all the blood in his throat, but slowly relaxing*Balthamos: Wha- *shocked* I thought they weren't going to show? They're really THAT late?!OOC!Psiren: *glances up at OHMYGOD IT'S JESUS, jaw drops*Darren: *quietly dies*Sam L: ::whooshes down from the sky, looking super-intense, spots Death and Pestilence, then looks up over his shoulder to see if his super awesome teammate made it through the portal he constructed in a cave::Jesus: *smiles benevolently at everyone* Hello, my children.Balthamos: What the-?OOC!Roy: *blinks at him* Um. Hello.IC!Alfons: My Lord, I... ::has no idea what to say, keeps groveling::Iron Man: *zooms in with his AWESOME ARC REACTOR JETS OF FANTASTIC* WHOO BABY, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!Balthamos: *glances at Raz inquiringly* Friends of yours?Sam L: ::dramatic point and scowl at Death and Pestilence:: Alright mothafuckahs, you get the hell back to Hell!Jesus: *smiles at Alfons* Rise, my son.Horde Of Snakes: HISSSLITHERHISSFLAIL*follows Sam L in a writhing snakey mass*Raziel: *shakes his head dumbly*IC!Alfons: I... yes, my Lord... ::sits up on his knees, in awe::IC!Sheska: *finally gets it* Sweet Jes-, I mean, hi.Pestilence: ...What.Death: *unconcerned about his impending doom, shakes his head grimly*OOC!Roy: *looks around* ... Um. Have I - have I m-missed something?Sam L: Yeah, you heard me, let's move! ::suddenly has massive gun wtf:: Stop messin' around, Tony!Iron Man: *comes to a graceful hover in the air next to Sam L, yelling at Death and Pestilence* You heard him! Fun's over, kids! *lets loose with two jets of flame*Sam L: ::firing his gun at the horsemen and alternatively at the snakes::OOC!Psiren: *hasn't yet noticed Darren's dead* ...It's our Lord, Jesus Christ. *this should be obvious, yes?*Iron Man: *yelling over the whooshing of flame and general chaos* WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THOSE GODDAMNED SNAKES?!Pestilence: *bullets clang off of his armor* ....... *sends swarm of bugs to meet Sam and snakes*OOC!Roy: ... Oh. Uhm. *turns to Jesus* I - I didn't - um. Sorry? *fervently hopes that this doesn't mean he's going to Hell*Iron Man: *sends a travel sized anti-tank missile at Pestilence's face*Death: *thinks these guys are nuts ... gets out his scythe, ready to do his job*Sam L: ::stomps dramatically on ground!bugs, then goes back-to-back with Iron Man and takes a grenade out of his pocket, throwing it at Death::Jesus: Ah, Clara Mary Smith, there you are, my child. *benevolent smile*Death: *never been terribly good at dodging; is hit and staggers backwards, tripping on his robe and falling into Hell*Pestilence: *ho shit! dives from horse, uses it as cover... still blown several yards*Iron Man: *feels very Rambo* Come on, is this the least you can do? THE SUB-MARINER COULD KICK YOUR SORRY ASSES!Swarm of velociraptors: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!11Sam L: I am SICK AND TIRED of these MOTHAFUCKIN' SNAKES in this MOTHAFUCKIN' DIMENSION! ::kicks snakes at bugs, and watches predatory behavior happen::OOC!Psiren: O.O Y-you know my name, Lord?Iron Man: WHAT YOU SAID! *sends off another anti-tank in the direction of Pestilence*Pestilence: *sits up groggily, bugs falling out of his armor... throws his sword at missile, causing explosion in air*OOC!Roy: *watches Jesus and the effect he is having on everyone else, sort of numb to everything by this point*Sam L: ::shoots at explosion WHICH MAKES IT BIGGER::Iron Man: ...Fancy. *holds up a hand and lets off the palm-pulse, concrete and debris rippling out in shockwaves AND AMPLIFYING THE EXPLOSION*BIG BOLD LETTERS: A HIGH WIND STARTS PICKING UP.Jesus: Of course I know your name, my child. *looks around the room* My children, I have excellent news.IC!Alfons: What is it, my Lord?OOC!Roy: *brightens up a bit; maybe they possibly might not die*Iron Man: *wind sends him off balance, losing his hovering point and smacking into the side of the building* Whoop-!IC!Sheska: *good news is good, hopeful again finally*Sam L: ::bugs and snakes flying past! BUT SAM L IS STRONG:: I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO MOTHAFUCKIN' WIND!IC!Sheska: *also hoping he's not just going to tell them they are on a reality TV show*Pestilence: Argh! *gets blown back by force of explosion*Raziel: *sort of standing to the side with Balth, bemused, wishing he had a cigarette... and wtf is with the wind?*Iron Man: *equalizes his thrusters and zooms back over to Sam L, incinerating all passing bugs and snakes, stopping when Pestilence goes zooming by in the wind* Oooh, no you don't! *GIVES CHASE*Jesus: You are all good souls, and I'm taking you with me to Heaven! *beams*OOC!Psiren: .....Even Alfons?IC!Alfons: ::looks like he's probably never been so happy in his life::IC!Sheska: .... Um, thanks. *still kind of freaked out by this*Horde Of Raptors: *blows around in the wind* SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!111Evil!Al: ::has by now caught a snake and tamed it, and is wearing it around his neck, while clinging to the side of a building so as not to get blown away::Pyramid Head: *whooshes by in an eddying gust, sword in hand complacently*Sam L: ::FIRING AT RAPTORS::Pestilence: *sends clouds of locusts at Ironman, because we can always use more locusts*Wayward Raptor: SCREE! SCREE! *propels itself through the wind toward Sam L's face*Iron Man: NOT ON! *incinerates them*OOC!Roy: ... Th-thank you? *figures that Heaven is a good thing, as it means 'away from here'*Sam L: DIE! ::finally picked up by wind, and shoots at the raptor as they are blown around in the air::Iron Man: *receives a call on his helmet-phone* Uh, hello? Rhodey? What? It's hard to hear you through ALL THE RAPTORS AND SNAKES.Wayward Raptor: SCREE? *has no head*Jesus: ...Yes, even Alfons. Don't believe everything the Bible says, darling. So we'll just wait until Armageddon is over out there, and then all will be well. Do not fear.Sam L: ::THEN HOW DOES IT SCREE? SHOOTS MORE! AND ALSO AT PESTILENCE AS HE FLIES BY::OOC!Psiren: *sooooo happy omg, has forgotten about dead!Darren in her lap*Wayward Raptor's Zombie Head: *OM NOM NOM SAM L OM NOM*Iron Man: Sorry, Rhodey, I think I need to- OW! *smacked into by Pesitlence* OH. THAT. IS. IT.Sam L: GET OFF MY LEG MOTHAFUCKAH! ::shoots at the head that has clamped on::IC!Sheska: Heaven sounds nice.... *still not wholly getting it*Wayward Raptor's Zombie Head: *IS NOT DETERRED BY YOUR SILLY ANTICS*Pestilence: Out of my way, tin can. *says empty suit of armor*OOC!Roy: *looking at dead!Mal and dead!Darren, and sort of wondering what's going to happen to all the good people who're already dead*OOC!Psiren: :DDDDDD Oh, it is. It's very nice.Iron Man: Out of my way! *anti-tank missile #3 AND GOGOGO!*Pestilence: *direct hit! splodies, stumbles around a bit ON FIRE, then drops into Pit of Hell*Raziel: *can no longer fight air resistance, flailing around in the air* DD:Iron Man: BOOYAH THAT'S RIGHT! AND STAY DOWN THERE-- AHSHIT! *bounces off a tree before managing to stabilize himself and jetting forward* Hey Sam, how're those raptors?Sam L: PISSIN' ME OFF! ::shooting at them, does not feel pain in his leg BECAUSE SAM L DOES NOT FEEL PAIN::Iron Man: Couldn't tell!~ *raptors, meet missiles*Jesus: *tilts his head* ...Well, that's about it. Come with me, my children.IC!Sheska: *like a puppy to a bone* OK. *stands*Various Raptors: *BOOM SPLATTER*IC!Alfons: ::stands weakly, keeping his head bowed::OOC!Psiren: *nods exuberantly, gently setting Darren's head down and standing, trying to get as close to Jesus as possible, gazing adoringly with tears in her eyes*OOC!Roy: *hovers, waiting for Alfons and Clara to go first*Jesus: *puts a comradely arm over Alfons and Clara's shoulders and leads the way out*OOC!Roy: *follows*OOC!Psiren: *could die of happy*IC!Sheska: *knows Clara has the Jesus thing figured out and follows*IC!Alfons: ::is happy beyond happy he's so happy::Sam L: ::shooting various body parts of raptors clean off::Iron Man: *playing raptor body part shot-put with his flame throwers*BIG BOLD LETTERS: WIND SWEEPS UP EVERYONE AS SOON AS THEY STEP OUTSIDE, BUILDING BLOWS AWAY A SECOND LATER.Jesus: ....Hmmm, that's odd.Evil!Al: ::laughing madly while clinging to the back of a velociraptor::OOC!Roy: *was sort of hoping that was what Jesus had intended to happen*OOC!Psiren: *tumbling through the air... can't quite bring herself to be alarmed*Random Velociraptors: *are at crotch-level and are not afraid to use this to their advantage*IC!Sheska: *has always wanted to fly but this is a bit different*IC!Gluttony: *floats past, nabbing a raptor out of the air with his teeth*Evil!Al: ::rides a velociraptor through the sky! How sweet is that?::IC!Alfons: ::clinging to Jesus::Iron Man: *catches a tire-iron in mid-air and goes to town on a nearby raptor*Sam L: ::brought his mothafuckin' safety cone! AND BEATS A RAPTOR WITH IT::OOC!Roy: *lets the wind carry him, since there seems to be no other option, and trusts that Jesus will somehow miraculously save them*Raptor In A Trenchcoat: SCREEEEEEEEEEEBATMANSCREEEEEEEEEE!BIG BOLD LETTERS: AND EVERYONE IS SUCKED INTO THE CENTER OF THE RIFT, LOCATED WHERE ED FUCKED UP THREE YEARS AGO.BIG BOLD LETTERS: ALL THE UNIVERSES ARE SUCKED IN AFTER THEM.BIG BOLD LETTERS: THE RIFT EATS ITSELF.BIG BOLD LETTERS: THE END.